Lonely Yes, But Never Alone.
by Die
Summary: Endy feels cold and trapped in a Neo World ruled by a crystal angel whom he once gave his heart to. But he needs comfort from the coldness of reality. Perhaps a friend in dream land can help...?
1. I

I've been painting all day and I'm real tired. So I'll let this do what it wants. ~_~   
-yawn-  
  
  
Pairing: Endymion and...well Helios now that I think about it. Wow. What brought this pairing about?? o.O;  
  
Oh and a warning to those who worship her royal Neo-ness... she'll get a little bashed.   
  
Endy POV.   
  
.oO@*Cherish Your Fantasies*@Oo.  
  
  
I shiver as I pull my robe tighter against my body. It isn't just from the coldness of the hallways. Or the lonliness of the hallways. I think part of it comes from *her*. She's changed, I noticed. And not like I thought she would. She's efficient and hard. I mean, yeah her skin is about as soft as silk or more so, and her hair is turning a pretty silver/white color, but... somehow I thought after she saw what she'd become, that she'd try not to end up like that. That future self who was so Proper and graceful and just plain well... hard. The first time I saw her, wow, what a vision. But no sweetness or clumsy words. No smile bright enough to light up the world. Nothing to indicate her as a human being. I clench my eyes and sigh. 'Well of course not.' I tell myself. I've had this same damn conversation with myself, and one other, over a million times it seems. And still I know she isn't human, but my soul desperatly needs comforting at this time of night by someone who used to be warm and giving and willing to hold me till dawn while whispering in my ear. And I know I'm always cranky and irritable. But she doesn't DO anything about it! Just leaves me to myself to sulk and complain. Telling me without words how dear I am. 'What a load of bull.' And muttering I make my way down endless stair cases, covered with expensive rugs, and past countless pictures on the walls, surrounded by glass lights. To tell you the truth, the Negaverse looks pretty cozy compared to this perfect ice hell.  
  
I wince as I step down onto frozen marble tile while crossing the dinning room to the kitchen to grab a snack. Funny that, when I'm irritated like I am now I get hungry, but when I'm depressed I just want to drink it all away. Fall asleep in a grassy field far far off somewhere under the stars while listening to the Earth's heart beat. I issue a snort while I pick around for a piece of something sweet. 'Thank the Gods for Elysion.' I mutter aloud. Smiling in spite of myself to hear the words vocalized, yet wincing when they bounce back at me from the starkly pristine walls. I have to get out of here before I give in to the temptation to throw plates towards the ceiling fan and watch it rain down while seeing how many -tinkle- sounds can be created. I roll my eyes and find a good enough substitute to chocolate, because heaven forgive we eat anything with fat, and kick the door closed while padding down some more corridors and out to the backyard. Or... my garden. We each have our own. 'Ain't that just peachy.' And through a hidden shimmer of a doorway with strange markings around the sides. They're warnings you know. Not just anyone can enter Elysion whenever they feel like it. Lucky for me I have a lifetime pass. He had a felling I'd need it. 'Little bastard.' I smile. He knew all along...  
  
I flop down onto a deliriously comfy hammock-chair and chew thoughtfully while gently swinging. Back, forth, back, forth..... humming a tune. I hear soft laughter.  
  
"Why Endy. If the Queen knew of how often you visited me I dare think she'd be jealous." Helios grins at me. Seeming, as always, to float on pure sincerity while plopping down next to me and taking a piece of whatever it is that I'm eating. I stare a moment before nodding. 'Have I really run to this place so often?' Sadly I realize, that yes. I have. I must look serious for Helios touches the back of my hand to get my attention. My gaze slowly drifts to our hands and I can't help it. I gently bring it to my lips while closing my eyes and sighing. A slight intake of breath is my warning before he pulls his hand away to cradle it against his chest. Looking at me with those big worried eyes. I blink and flop back into the soft web. Just wanting him to hold me. Tell me how much he loves me. Tell me to stay with him here... forever. Gods... I need it. And I used to feel so pathetic for wanting him. 'Used to.' I manage to whisper out. I can sense him though... bending over me to brush my hair away from my face. Hmm. I do need it cut. Right as always Your Majesty. Yessir right away... and moaning I barely open my eyes to drag him toward me, a giggling bundle of the warmth I crave like a dying man. And isn't that what I've become? Slowly decaying till my purpose is fulfilled. Create an heir...   
  
  
tbc... ?  
*********************************************************************  
Sorry if there are mistakes. v_v;  
I didn't want to stop but... -sigh- should I even bother to continue??? Onegai. Lemme know. Domo. 


	2. II

Heh.. part 2...   
  
-snicker- I've never gotten a flame before. ^_^ It was really funny.   
Thanks to whoever wrote it. -shrug-  
  
Perhaps I should have put warnings? o.O; I thought it was obvious... sorry. XD Here are some for your enjoyment.  
  
OOC... that means Out Of Character. ^_^ (it is a big deal... considering...)  
Rini isn't here yet. You shouldn't dwell in the past/future.   
Ah, what else... it isn't really an AU.. tho I do screw around with the time line obviously. It's more fun that way.. ^_^ And yes there was Neo bashing... kinda. There will be a little more here. No biggie right? (She should have ended up with Demando anways! E hee. You know.. he Does get to kiss her in the manga. Yatta. ^_^ )  
  
even tho she smacks him... -ahem- Anyways... fic.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~  
Helios pov off-on  
  
  
'I'm not quite sure what goes through his head when he snuggles into my arms. Seemingly trying to fall deeper and deeper towards an endless warmth. So peaceful when he sleeps...'  
  
Helios smiles while tracing the contours of Endy's face.   
  
'I really do love him. He does need me.'  
  
He sighs and holds him tighter. Resting Endy's head on his chest and smoothing back the soft strands of obsidian.  
  
'If only I could keep you safe. Protect you now, from that harsh reality full of self imposed humans. And their selfish ways.'   
  
Staring out into the void of pink and blue pastel clouds, Helios doesn't quite realize what his King sees in these people he protects. Are humans really innocent when so many can not be trusted? Look at what happened last time...  
  
'I know what it's like to be alone. To be in charge of another's well-being. To not be appriciated or given credit.'  
  
He scowls.  
  
'I know what lonliness is. And I know you don't deserve it.'  
  
Somewhat startled, Helios blinks and looks down at the figure in his arms. It shifts and mumbles something before falling back to sleep with a smile. His features soften in sympathy.  
  
'She doesn't glow with warmth like she used to. Now it's just a reflection off of the cold crystal spires she locks herself in. I remember the first time you ended up here- stumbling and a little tipsy....'  
  
*flashback  
  
"You look like Hell." I remark, noticing with surprise that my king has managed to come and visit for the first time. Although... he does seem a little melancholy. And drunk.  
  
"Isn't that job taken?" Endy grins and leans slightly to the left.  
  
I smile. "Well then perhaps Dionysus?"  
  
He appeared to think hard about that. Before shrugging and bending sideways toward a clump of bushes. Seemingly entranced by a red rose. He frowned while muttering. "She won't let me... plant them."   
  
Walking near, I grasp his shoulder to steady him. Worried. "Where?" I ask gently.  
  
"Huh?" He blinks and stares at me in confusion. Eyes dull and sad.  
  
'Look at him... like a lost child. I've never seen him like this...' I glance at him... then back to the rose bush... picking one. 'He likes these, doesn't he?' Grinning, I hold it out to him. Hoping it will cheer him up. After staring he looks at me... and a flash of panic hits me. I didn't mean to make him cry!...  
  
*endfb  
  
'Such a bittersweet memory I have of you Endy.'  
  
"What time is it?" He asks me while sitting up and rubbing his eyes. I stare as he stretches. Somewhat entranced by his flexibility. If my wings were perhaps two feet longer...  
  
"Helios?"  
  
I turn towards him. "5 o'clock at night."   
  
He nods and stands. Holding out a hand for me to take... and I stare at it. "You have to go now." I say sadly. He frowns and closes his eyes, kneeling in front of me.   
  
"Helios you know I can't stay. I wish I could... but..." He stares at the ground.   
  
"I know." I sigh. Gently turning his face towards me, I lean forward for a kiss. After a moment he pulls away, smiling slightly and getting up to leave.   
  
"I'll see you tomorrow." He intones. While walking through the doorway and back to his Queen.   
  
I flop back onto the soft ground. Staring up at the sky and wondering why I can't get a hold of myself. It's not as if he's in love with me right? A cool path of water slips down the side of my face and I swallow the lump in my throat. Right?  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Endy pov (next morning)  
  
You just don't realize the indomitable and fathomless feeling of waking up surrounded by freezing softness. There's nothing more useless than empty anger.   
  
Oh what desperation!   
I refuse to open my eyes. I don't care if I'm being immature! She won't be there. So deceptive, aren't you my Queen. Protect the world and have its' children love and worship your very soul. Degrade their innocence and trust... I choke on my thoughts. Realization of what my contempt stems from.  
  
I clench my pillow. Just a scared little boy really. And I hate those memories, their contents. If all you are is a protective angel... whom are you truly protecting? I am at a loss as to how to live up to my namesake. And aren't you trying so dearly hard to corrupt that?!  
  
Throwing the pillow across the room, I stalk to the balcony. Searching and glaring at the fakeness of it all. I stare out over the kingdom. Towards where she's undoubtedly planning another galla or holding another conference with delegates of some sort.  
  
I frown. Do you really think so little of us?  
  
I clench the railing. They are my people too...  
  
We are NOT Lunarians. This isn't the cold, dead rock of a moon. My children feel, and right now they feel neglected; used. MY world is shuddering at your feet and I'm wasting away in a crystal underworld. Hades himself must be laughing his ass off.  
  
I pinch the bridge of my nose, wincing at a sudden headache. I pause to chuckle, I haven't laughed in forever. What was that? I should jump? I push off and away into the bedroom, laughing harder now. And then slowly sobering. Remember? I can't die. Yet I'm more alive than she. 'Oh the ironic concepts I come up with.' I mutter sarcastically while getting dressed.  
  
~~~~~  
  
I walk in the meeting where she sits at the head of the table, stumbling at my lateness and hurt that I'd make her look bad. Hmph. I grin and walk by. Much to everyone's surprise and discourse.   
  
Well it's not like what I think counts anyways. Whatever I say is disregarded and snubbed. As if I didn't know my own planet and people...   
  
I did love you... Usagi. But this cold, poor excuse for a companion to cherish is simply not acceptable.  
  
I respect your points of view... Serenity... but in finality. I truly despise you.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
tbc o'course  
dun worry it gets happier ^_^  
  
  
________________________________________________________________  
  
Did anyone else notice the secret Sailor Moon fan fic law?? !!   
  
Well... every time you write about Serenity's 'Twin Brother' (wink) His name has to be Tranqulity.  
^_^  
-laughs- Personally I like the name. But his 'supposed character' never does. And I really think he looks more like a Sebastian. -shrug- The eye color is debatable. I prefer the gold myself.   
  
(PS Anyone get the joke? I'm curious to know if anyone has read as many fics as I have. You know.. the every other story about the Moon Kingdom and stuff right? haha. Isn't it funny? All those same stories but they change tiny little things... Serenity falls to earth or somethingorother and Endy finds her while hunting with his 'guards' and so on... -snicker- Those are damn funny... cuz I've read a hundred or so. I swear... ^_^) 


	3. III

****** Man. I've been in the best mood! Spent a while drawing with my mouse. It's a pic of Endy and Helios of course. It's pretty cute ...^.^ If anyone wants to see it, just instant message me on aol anytime, cuz I'm not too sure how to email the damn thing. But if you know, do tell! ^_~  
  
aol sn- Kyuketsuki Ko  
  
This here is chapter 3.  
  
~~~~  
  
Walking through the mist, Helios regarded his world with half lidded eyes. Feeling lifeless and lonely, he subconsciously ignored his surroundings. He figured this would happen sooner or later, just... it hurt is all. It's been about a month and still no visit from his king. Oh he knew all about the new born princess and how the ceremony must be a global thing or a bit more vast, but he wasn't invited. Gods, did she know something? He wouldn't put it past her, and a part of him wanted her to know. Some vindictive voice inside said to calmly shove the fact in her face that she was being cheated on and steal her king away while she sat stunned. Helios shook his head. What was he thinking? That's not him at all. He wouldn't be so cruel as to do such a thing. Especially on this day of a new era. 'I wonder how he's taking it.' His view dimmed. 'Probably the happiest day of his life Helios. Of course you aren't invited.'  
  
He clasped his hands behind his back and stared at the sky. Picking out points of nothing while his thoughts ran wild with minor chaos. "He didn't even say goodbye..."  
  
'I've been so frustrated as of late. So many confusing thoughts are stacked inside my head. Basically all revolving around a very important event that is about to take place. The birth of a princess. As if I could really compete with that. -scoff-  
  
'Should I feel bad that I wasn't invited so such a special momentous occasion? -sigh- Rini... even now you take him from my (Alright I'll admit weak) grasp. And how is it that I still love you...? I fear I will never truly understand my own intent. My sight of this world. Muddled. Cheap.  
  
'I can only hold myself responsible. But I still feel like I'm losing him...what little I had while I had it.  
  
'Selfish. -sigh-  
  
'I've never liked you Destiny. Your humor will never reach me it seems. 'He's simply leaving me. Rot, decay... how miserable. And does he know? (Gods does he even care?)'  
  
Helios slumps down upon the grass, glaring at the sky. 'Damn these pastel colors. Must I feel so demented on such a beautiful day? I don't regret any of it! I'm not, nor was I ever, under any assumption or illusion that we'd have any serious relationship with set future standings...or...  
  
'Why do I give up. What keeps my hand by my side?' Somewhat calmed, he looks down to the grass. Absently noticing the blades he's plucked and flicked slightly out of reach. He sighs. Not content with the world anymore and feeling out of reach. "And they all lived happily ever after." He chuckles bitterly. 'It's actually funny how I keep asking why.. as if I expect an answer to fix everything. Why... why must I be doomed to loneliness? An endless day... 'Helios quirks an eyebrow. "How does Setsuna do it?"  
  
He drifts off into thought again. Vision focused and scanning his world aimlessly for what- he isn't sure anymore. 'Animals have it so simple. It's all worked out for them and yet, not set in stone.' He glances wistfully at the beautiful creatures trotting by. 'Unicorns, Pegasus. Myths. Extinct. Such a tragedy caused by humans correct? And still they hold you in precious and greedy memories.' He covers his face with pale, delicate hands. "But I guess we have that in common at least. If nothing else, you choose to live in your dreams and hope that perhaps someday they'll evolve into reality.  
  
"Funny that. I never dream."  
  
Not wanting to see anymore. Not wanting to lose what little composure he has left. He sighs with finality. Perhaps this 'getting over it' is starting to work.  
  
Thunderous echoes of applause and cheers are heard from the palace. Helios grimaces. 'Maybe not.'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Endymion stared at his family. Such a perfect view of his queen sitting on an engraved stone bench while holding his daughter with strings of sunlight surrounding them. He laughed softly, gaining the attention of Serenity and a warm, loving smile.  
  
Suddenly his heart felt lighter than air. He walked towards the pair elegantly, gently sitting behind Serenity to hold her and his daughter. She leant back in his arms, sighing softly with happiness. The past year or so had been somewhat harsh. He never seemed like himself. And now to see her love smiling and simply laughing again just took her breath away, along with any doubts and worries. He was always able to do that.  
  
She turned in his arms and carefully handed him his daughter. Calm now, everything was okay again.  
  
He smiled and took the bundle from his wife's arms, staring down at the precious sleeping face of his daughter. Small, very far away memories sift through his mind. Days when Rini had first dropped into his life to make the world seem more realistic and balanced. Some part of him was found back then, opened up, and he hadn't realized till now that it was simply what he had been missing this whole time. All the depression he was feeling for the longest days, any little thing that upset him. It all seemed to wash away as she blinked open her eyes and smiled at him. And he suddenly couldn't, for the life of him ,find anymore sorrow in his heart. Tiny hands reached up towards his face. He cradled her more closely and let the digits grab his finger. His heart was *here* now.  
  
  
  
~*Owari*~  
  
[Awe...But what of Helios?]  
  
-chuckles- What's with the happy/sad ending to a beginning trait? o.O I really don't know.  
  
-salutes- G'Nite people.  
  
@~~~ 


End file.
